On The Search For Happiness


The amount of love and appreciation I’ve had for life these past two days is astounding.



A usual mid day craving for coffee led my mom and I to her favorite coffeeshop- Bodhi Leaf. Usually, I don’t order iced coffee’s at coffeeshops because they tend to be too strong for me and give me headaches, but the 100 degree weather made me take the chance. My mom ordered an iced coffee as well and we were both happily surprised with how great the drinks turned out. We had a nice and relaxing time together. Sitting there, I felt contentment with a chilled drink in hand, my mom beside me, and a small view of some hills outside of the window. It was also one of the first times I had used my stainless steel straw out and about! Help out the planet guys; save the mountains ;).

Later on that evening, we went on a hike. It was our normal route up a mountain, but something was different this time- it felt brand new. It was a whole new pair of eyes taking in that breathtaking view of those mountains I know all too well. I had the opportunity to have an appreciation for life in the back of my mind as I hiked up that mountain. When I came to the top, I was overcome with the immense beauty that the sky, mountains, and city embodied.


As my head lays against my pillow, and my mind drifts off, I dream of a boy I had once liked.


My alarm, set for 5:50 A.M., wakes me up and I immediately remember my dream and all it had encompassed. Usually, this would throw me off, and I would be on edge for the rest of the morning. This morning, I rose from my bed with purpose and a smile on my face- it didn’t effect me today.

I threw on some clothes, jumped in the car, and drove to my sunrise spot- the only place in my neighborhood to watch the sunrise. I sat there in the silence of the morning, cool air breezing by, and the rustling of bushes from little animals waking up to start their day. I waited patiently and intently, watching the sun rise over the hill, shining brighter than ever before.

After the sun rises and I’ve had time to appreciate all life has to offer, I drive back home to get ready. I put on some makeup and changed my clothes. Now, I’m off again to get the morning necessity- coffee.

Here I am now, sitting in my favorite cafe, writing this blog post. Beside me is my normal hot vanilla latte. They didn’t have my favorite treat today- a pretzel with drizzled frosting and brown sugar. Instead, I got an apple fritter with drizzled frosting. This is still satisfying and a close second to the pretzel. Although they didn’t have my normal treat, it still worked out. I was forced to pick something different, and I don’t feel any negativity. Again, I am not thrown off by this minor change in my routine.


I check on my previous blog post that has made so many people relieved. I am over the moon with all of the positive feedback I have gotten from that post. Opening up about my eating disorder was scary because I didn’t know how people would react. I hoped for a good reaction, but was deeply afraid of lash back from those who thought I would only be writing it for attention. My phone lays on the table beside me with dozens of messages on my phone from people I know and do not know. People telling me they’re going through the same thing, or they already went through it, or that they understand. Everyone has told me that they were so grateful for me opening up, and that it’s comforting to know they are not alone.

This was all I wanted. My passion in life is for people to not feel so alone. I want people to be happy and find comfort and contentment. That’s all I want for myself, and all I want for you.

My mom read the post and complimented my writing, and I was like “OMG THANK YOU!!!” That’s one of the best compliments ever. I love getting those comments!


Later that night, I decided to go on a run. I had not gone on a run since I posted about my running cramps here on my blog. Again, I went out and ran in spite of the fear. While I was running, I came up with “climbing mountains– metaphorically and literally”, because I love hiking. For some reason, I immediately thought of changing my instagram bio to that phrase. When I finished my run, I got my phone out and changed my bio. When I looked back up, my eyes immediately landed on the sliver of a moon high up in the sky and I smiled so wide.


Looking forward to big achievements and changes coming in my life is stressful but fun. I’m not letting the stress stay on my mind. I am living every day without thinking too much.

I haven’t found any inspiration for my monthly bullet journal page as of yet. It’s already the 12th and I still haven’t made a spread. I haven’t been beating myself up about it because well, sometimes you just run out of ideas. Eventually I’ll come up with something, but for right now, I’m not stressing about it.

There was a period of time this summer I was writing about two songs a day. I was going wild with writing lyrics. All of a sudden, I was burnt out. I am just now getting back into it a bit. These things happen and it’s totally normal. I’m not going to be upset with myself for not coming up with clever lines every single day.

Although I am not the happiest, I try to wrap myself in a blanket of all the little things I love, all of the things that bring me joy. I cozy up and try to take it all in. Everyday I try to do something. I try to have at least one joy a day. Maybe in time I’ll actually become happy. That’s what I’m looking forward to.


Throwback to when I met Taylor and I was talking to her about Jon Bellion lmaooooo I’m embarrassing. Anyways, back to what I was saying:

I’m the type to have to have everything planned out hour to hour. Past events in my life have taught me to not dwell on those little things. I learned that taking things day by day is so much better then beating yourself up about situations on the daily. Life and people can already be cruel, let alone your own mind. Let yourself relax sometimes. This lesson has proved itself to be right over and over again. I wouldn’t be where I am at today, if there wasn’t a time when I had no idea where I was going. Life is exciting and I love looking forward to things coming up. I’m not so scared anymore.

If you want to go on this quest for happiness with me, find some things that you love. A couple of the things I love are: sunrises, sunsets, coffeeshops, writing, hiking, running, biking, driving, exploring.

Stay positive my loves, xoxo.

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