Today I am finally sharing my story behind my health journey and how I’m finally able to live a balanced life and not fall back into a disordered mindset. I’m super excited to share this and hope you enjoy!
I feel like this is going to end up being a long post and I don’t know where to start. I guess we should start from the very beginning.
When I was growing up I was always a very active child, name the sport/activity and I’ve probably done it. I also didn’t eat much growing up. My parents would say I “eat like a bird”. I honestly just never had a huge appetite, but I was always healthy!
When I was 13 years old I developed an eating disorder. I have addressed this journey on my blog in the past, so if you want to know more, check out those posts. I relapsed when I was 16, then again at 18.
Ever since then I have been in a period where I don’t pay attention to what I eat. During this period I also don’t exercise. I put no effort or attention into taking care of my body. This is due to the fact that every time I had tried to be “healthier” in the past, I would fall back into my disordered ways. I also still had not found love or appreciation for my body yet. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to live a balanced life where I could work out and eat well for my health, while being healthy mentally as well. This has been a struggle of mine for so long that I was never able to overcome. It got to a point where I believed I would never be able to find a healthy balance for myself.
When I was 20 I started to gain confidence in my appearance. I’m not exactly sure what made me change my perspective, but I learned to love my body and be confident in my skin. I would look at photo’s of myself and be in shock at how good I looked. I started to feel more free and content. I also want to mention that my body did not change at all during this time. It’s not like I lost weight and then suddenly liked my body. My body stayed the same as it always had been but my mindset changed!
When we were put in lockdown earlier this year, I thought that it would be beneficial to fill my free time with something productive. Every one was starting to workout and so I thought I would too. I missed being athletic and feeling strong. I felt weak and wanted to gain some muscle. I started working out and eating slightly better at the end of March for my health. I started incorporating more nutrient dense foods into my diet and working out a few days a week.
Gradually, I learned which exercises I loved, what foods I enjoyed, and so much more about myself. I wanted this to be a lifestyle change and something manageable. I took it slow and I’m really glad I did. I started with small steps and gradually worked my way up from there. It has been about 6 months since I began, and I couldn’t be happier. I have found such an incredible balance with fitness, healthy eating, and living a balanced life. I enjoy eating more nutrient dense foods but I’m also not afraid to have foods that aren’t as nutritious. I don’t feel guilty for the foods I eat. Working out makes me feel empowered, strong, and happy.
Along the way I have lost some fat, gained muscle, but most importantly I’ve gained more appreciation for myself. I have overcome this struggle that has been hanging over me for years. I accomplished my goal of living a balanced life and I couldn’t be more proud of myself. Every day I am working on becoming the best version of myself and loving the process.
I do want to mention that for almost a month I stopped working out consistently, over ate, and ate a bunch of junk food. I was just going ham and having a good time while at it, but my body didn’t feel great. I am now back on track of eating a balanced diet and sticking to my routine and I’m feeling much better. It’s crazy how different I feel when I treat my body with love and care vs eating everything in site just because I was bored. I now recognize that working out makes me feel powerful and amazing, and that fueling my body with mostly foods I consider to be “healthy” makes me feel my best.
I hope that you finally come to a time in your life when you can find your own balance, when you can find self-confidence. I hope that time is soon. I believe in you. I did it, and so you can do it too.